Goodbye Blogger, you are no longer needed. :)

Bad Eves

Mood: Doubting myself, trying to cling to the remains of christmas spirit.
Music: This Boy - James Morrison.

This boy wants to play
There's no time left today
It's a shame coz he has to go home
This boy's got to work, got to sweat
Just to pay what he gets to get left all alone

My mum and my brother have been argueing all day. It's really getting me down. I went to town with Henry at one point to get the last present, a book, and then came home to have the arguements start again. Other than that, I've done pretty much nothing else except play RuneScape. I've been playing a lot recently. Partly because I enjoy it, and partly because I'm ever so slightly hiding behind it.

This girl tries her best every day
But it's all gone to waste
Coz there's no one around
This girl she can draw she can paint
Likes to dance she can skate
Now she don't make a sound

Sam is this great guy. He's amazing. Even if I'm on runescape next time I talk to him, I'm going to try and avoid talking about it.

The weekend opened my eyes, I realized I have a lot of options. There's really not much stopping me doing whatever. Sam's my best friend, and it's going to stay that way. For eveeeeeerrrrr.

EDIT: Just wrapped every single present left in the house because my sister is out and I figured I'd get in done before going to bed. I'm feeling a lot better now that I've done it all, and I'm more confident about the whole Sam situation. We'll be fwends. For eba and eba. Plus he mentioned something to keep us in touch more, sounds interesting. Mon spirite noel est ici. My christmas spirit is here, en francais. ;)
Merry Christmas everyone!!!

Quick words

Mood: Tired
Music: Broken Strings - James Morrison

The last weekend was fucking amazing. I wouldn't of spent it any other way. But I'm not going to go into that, seeing as the only regular reader of my blog was the person that spent it with me; who knows how much I enjoyed it. Ilu Sam <3

The last two days have been really good, too, but not much has happened. Just wanted to do a quick blog post as I'm unable to sleep right now; mainly because my mum is listening to loud tv. >_>

Footnotes

Mood: Irritable/Excited. At the same time, yes.
Music: New Classic (acoustic) - Drew Seeley.

The acoustic version of New Classic is completely different and even more amazing. I love it. <333

Today was good. Hardly did any work at school at all. Got up on time for once, showered and shit and then decided to walk to school just to get some fresh air before heading to school. The walk was fine, no chavs tried anything. Talked to the guys for a bit and the bell went, headed to form. Nothing special, more doubts about the friendship between me and the man I talk too much about.
PE first, which was alright. I saved quite a few goals, even if Sir was directing me the whole time. 'Use your hands' etc. I dunno if he knows my name yet. I want to try in PE, but if I keep getting stuck in goal I can't, but I don't care that much to be honeest.
Physics we had Terrington cover us (a generally jolly fatman XD) and we watched the most recent live at the apollo which was fucking hilarious. Watched it all lesson, many laughs were had.
Spent break with the guys discussing games for tommorow and shit, mostly Super Smash Bros. Brawl. I'm providing the house, Sam is providing the wii, Ross is providing the game. XD
RE was good; we had a multiple choice pop quiz and I got 14/14, so I got to have two chocolates instead of 1 ^_^ We watched bruce almighty the rest of the lesson, and it's still funny like the millionth time you watch it. It's just a feel good film. :D
Lunch me and Sam huggled quite a lot. Also Myles forgot my name so I pretended to be really offended. He bought it. :P Just pissed around with the guys a bit more, then headed to form.
Form Thompson was trying to impress Micheal Anderson with his knowledge of Chris Moyles lyrics so I didn't even bother, just talked to Alistair for a bit and headed to ICT standard in an alright mood. ICT we were given 'free time' but once we were actually allowed to do it, we'd run out of things to do, so we just mucked around for an hour before I headed to history. History we watched band of brothers, and I thought a lot about my current relationships. Me & Sam are all good. Me and most people are all good at the moment. Thompson however... It seems like I'm making all the effort to be friends, and always have been. Decided to just go back and see him to talk to him for a bit, and we chatted about plans for the weekend then he headed off to see Weaver because they get lifts together or something. It was good just to talk to him. So I'm making all the effort. I might stop and see what happens.
Talked to Sam for a majority of the evening and finally finished up his present ^_^

Diluted Arguements

Mood: Pretty good right now.
Music: CrushCrushFaint - Linkin Park/Paramore

Relationships were the other person means/meant a lot to you are very tricky when a problem arises. Friendships between people with different levels of authority, their tricky too. Combine the two together, and something complicated forms that none of your friends understand why you bother, even if some of them try to. But when you get lucky, during that ing or swim moment; everything isn't as bad as you thought.
It's very easy to be angry 'behind the scenes' but when you come face to face with the-figure-of-authority-that-your-not-so-close-with-anymore the words and reasons you were pissed at them for escape you when they give you a small smile. Okay, so maybe that's not such a common thing. :P The point you were about to make reduces in your mind and the thing you were considering ranting at them gets reducing to an almost petty remark at the first opportunity.
It's weak, I know, but don't judge me. I just can't stay mad at people I like(d) when their actually in front of me; it's something I should work on... XD At one point Thompson said 'does anyone have a pain' so I flicked mine at him and when he was done with it I came out with 'See, if you ask for a pen instead of 'mooching round me till I offer you one' your a lot more likely to get it.' Nothing compared to what I was imagining last night by going back after form and being like 'You were quite rude last night, assuming that I'd offer you a lift and shit and then when I did not even saying goodbye.' with proper pouting and anger and all. But oh well, I'm weak.
Maths we did this random worksheet and Tom, David, Sam Mills (not the one I refer to constantly) and I had a philisophical debate about God's existance because we were bored. It was 3 on 1 and Sam was not going to accept defeat. Then when he said we were going to hell I used something I'd read once saying that hell isn't a physical place and that is a mis-conception, it's a mental state of mind where one is seperated from god, meaning we were alreading IN hell and it wasn't too bad. He stopped talking for a bit after that. XD
English was alright, we talked about Educating Rita for a bit and I volunteered to have one of the photocopies because there wasn't enough real copies. Norbert made some shitty remarks that I didn't care to listen to, then we watched ghost busters; which was cool.
Break was good; Wednesdays the bitchy librarian isn't in and it's the more calm one. Sam grabbed me a photography magazine and I managed to find lots of pictures of women somehow and Sam started regretting giving the photography one to me. XD Then I found an airbrushing thing and it looked amazing and I want it all over my real life face to get rid of dese damn spots. >:(

Third was a chemistry test that was alright, I completely winged a lot of it; just hoping I'd get the marks. When we started to go through it I seemed to be doing fairly well. There was a couple of lessons I missed so there was one or two questions I had no idea on so I made up shit. It was fun.
Lunch was cool. I managed to get the guys to go in the dry because it was wet outside and Myles gave me like half his lunch. I'm such a thieving bastard. XD Then myles went on making a load of bible jokes at John, who came out with an amazing comeback 'How would you know!? You're not the bible! Your as thick as the bible!' many lols where had, and the fact myles didn't get the joke made it even funnier.

Biology was another gay test that we marked and I got the exact mark required for an A. Chris Kemple, Alistair Eaton and Ben Bovensombat (such a freak, hate him) got D's and Andy Willis somehow got an E. This was very amusing for the rest of the class.
ICT Standard was awesome. Whenever Matt, Ross or I leave our computers un-attended, the other two pull pranks. Their never serious, work never gets deleted or anything like that. We turned his screen's brightness to 0 so it looked like it was off, then turned it off and then switched it off at the plug (the screen). He thought he'd been all clever locking his computer. He thought wrong. At one point Sam blasted drop the bomb shell in my ear. It hurt. :P I <3 Sam's music though.
Work was cool, it was a bit of a robotic day, nothing special happened with any of the students. At the end our employer handed out presents and we were all like :o as they were all different shapes. I'm not allowed to open it till christmas day. It's a really odd shape and I really want to know.

Stumbled Words (Long)

Mood: Pissed off.
Music: Pieces - Sum 41.
I've embedded the lyrics into the post, because it really fits my thinking strategies today.

Today was a major mixed bag of emotions for me. A lot of things happened during the day, that affected my mood. Not many of them where simple, but a few of them have been burned into my mind recently.
I've been thinking about this post all through the day, because of each of them. I need to rant. I'm going to structure it, and although this first bit won't make sense, I need to get it off my chest right away. It's digging at me.

I tried to be perfect
But nothing was worth it
I don’t believe it makes me real
I thought it’d be easy
But no one believes me
I meant all the things I said



He's such an arrogant bastard. "I was just going to mooch around Andrew till he offered me a lift." I mean, the train station is totally in walking distance. Don't assume I'm going to offer you something, I wouldn't of minded if you'd asked politely instead of saying it behind my back. What if I'd said No? Then what would you do? I'm not just a doormatt that you can ignore most of the time and then just stamp all over when you need something from me.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

I got up late again this morning. I really wish I could be a morning person, it would make my life just that much simpler. But, alas. Quickly downing a small drink and eating some bread I dashed into the car to get into school and see myles and tom waiting together. Not saying a word. One word raced through my mind, Sam says it a lot in these situations. Wonderful. We started up a conversation and eventually the others arrived including Sam. Then the bell went, and we seperated. I was walking away from reception with Tom, we still go with Myles as he fetches the register from the slot. Tim passed us and was like 'You do know your form's register is there?' I was in disbelief. It's NEVER there, but apparently it was today. I grabbed it and we headed to form.
Form was odd. I messed with Sir's head, because he annoyed me. After brooding over it last night, the first thing he said to me when I got in
'So can you definatly come tonight?' Ticked off, an idea formed.
'Oh shit! I forgot to tell you! My mum's got this massive job tonight and I can't come! I'm sorryyyy...' His eyes widened but his smile remained.
'Are you serious?' Panick in his voice now.
'Nope!' I laughed, and he swore at me several times before I settled into my seat and he took the register. It was an improvement atleast, then he put on his music and started singing along, which I lol'ed at.

This place is so empty
My thoughts are so tempting
I don’t know how it got so bad
Sometimes it’s so crazy
That nothing can save me
But it’s the only thing that I have


ICT Core was just annoying. Myles told Chris that I'd said Chris was so far up himself that his Adam's apple is his own nose. Gee, thanks Myles. So I had an hour of doing work quickly whilst Chris listed my many flaws. Wonderful. It was alright in the end though, because I realized just how much further than him I am, even though he's attended two catch up sessions.
ICT Standard cheered me up a bit, as Sam managed to find me a tutorial so that I could insert a music clip into my website so I could finally rescue my first class system and be able to create outgoing messages again. I populated a couple of pages and was pretty much finished with that as the bell went. I'll probably be 'gathering evidence' next lesson.
Break was alright, but the old bag told me to get something to read. She also told me she got my reply about being able to come to the lunch today, which I'd emailed her about after rescueing first class. Sam took the mick of how I'd grabbed a book on the mysteries of the world and I lol'ed with him, before the bell went and we parted ways to history. I took a small jibe at Sam, saying that I was keeping my christmas secrets too, before heading to class. History, I went to go photocopy some stuff for Miss Colley, and this woman was struggling with this massive box of stuff so I offered a hand and I carried the box and she carried the bit of paper to her car, then she gave me the paper back and I rushed to repographics to make the copies. The rest of history was just a bit boring really; I could hear myles moaning behind me to Tom Watts, who obviously did not care about myles's ramblings. At all.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own


Afternoon form was alright. Didn't really talk to Sir much, just chatted to Alistair. Didn't really pay attention to what he was saying, but it was alright. He's not so annoying this week; but I just jinxed it, didn't I? >_<
Maths was alright. We had a ticklist and we had to rate how confident we were on all the stuff we covered, so I was perfectly honest and said that I found perfecting squares fine in the lesson but when I tried it for homework I completely fucked up and mindblanked. We watched hotfuzz and stuff at the same time, which was pretty cool.
English we watched GhostBusters and I forgot my english redraft. Which I spent ages on yesterday. <_< Oh well, I had more important things on my mind last night and this morning I was in a total rush. I'll bring it in tommorow, for definate. I'm fairly happy with the essay as it stands.

On my own

I tried to be perfect
It just wasn’t worth it
Nothing could ever be so wrong
It’s hard to believe me
It never gets easy
I guess I knew that all along

I had an hour and a half to burn so I went back to the RE department hoping to get a second to chat to sir alone, but no such luck; he was already in Miss Knagg's room. I didn't mind that much though, I had no idea what I was going to say. I faked a text message and pulled the whole 'I actually just got a text saying I can't come tonight!' he fell for it. Again. He started cursing going 'What am I going to do!?!?' I laughed and he just looked up and realized I was joking. But it seemed like we were back to normal so Miss Knaggs, Thompson and I just chatted about the concert for a while before they left to go navigate their way to the church; I went to town and bought an oreo milkshake and a festive bake pasty or something before heading to the church myself.

If you believe it’s in my soul
I’d say all the words that I know
Just to see if it would show
That I’m trying to let you know
That I’m better off on my own

Before the concert Thompson was panicking because one of the staff he'd asked to read wasn't turning up. I offered to do the reading if she didn't turn up so he handed me a copy and she turned up at the last minute. I was glad tbh, I didn't want to read again. Me and Thompson had a bit of a laugh taking the mick out of each other and shit and miss told us to stop bullying each other, which we found funny.
Cutting to the concert itself, half way through the singing Nat slowly put his hand on my arse. Fighting back the urge to kill him for groping me in a church, I carried on singing. When he tried to do it again I ended up holding his hand so he placed it on his ass. ¬¬. He's not even gay. A while later and it was time for my reading, and I stumbled quite a lot. I had to walk past Thompson's seat to get back to mine, and he was quite involved with it, introducing stuff and crap, but he didn't even look at me as I went past. I felt bad for mucking up on the reading.
Now to explain the beggining bit. Before the concert Miss Knaggs was worrying that she didn't have a way other than walking to get to the station, which was a good 30 minute walk in the dark. I offered her a lift with my family because we go past the station; my mum sent me a text back saying it was fine and all arranged. Sir wasn't talking directly too me, but he never exactly left my side. He was talking to Mr. Reed when I was talking to John, then I moved over to my mum and he left Mr. Reed and talked to Zack, who was right next to me. I ignored it, then when my mum said it was time to go I went and got Miss Knaggs saying 'C'mon, we're giving you a lift remember?' She seemed very grateful and asked Thompson how he was getting home. Neither of them can drive, you see. "I was just going to mooch around Andrew till he offered me a lift." This actually really ticked me off. First off, he hadn't said a word to me since the end of the concert and he didn't mention it when I was offering Knaggs a lift either. He could have just asked, and I would have gladly said yes. But no, he decided he would stick close by me in hopes I'd offer him a lift. Even though I was mad I hid it fairly well (imo, anyway) and said 'Do you want a lift, Sir?' the journey to the station with them in the car was odd. My mum and Thompson sat in the front, Me and Knaggs were in the back. I was still in a bit of a mood about the reading muckups, and shiz so I was a bit quiet. Miss and me had a brief conversation before they both got out. He just got out of the car, got his bags, said thanks to my mum and walked off. Oh, bye to you too. Miss Knaggs was all thankyouthankyouthankyouthankyou I shall see you tommorow Andy and I look forward to seeing you on parents evening Mrs. King.
I know he's been under pressure recently, but come on! There are limits.

Steamy Mirrors

Mood: Reflective/Slightly down.
Music: Save me - Shinedown

Showers are a great place to think about stuff, because it's just you and the water; in a vunerable way. You can be yourself by your own. I've had an odd day, and with recent events I really needed to think. Two of my relationships are frizzled at the moment. One is with my chemistry teacher, who thinks that I dislike her teaching style and offered to move me to another class; even though she's one of my best teachers. The other, well the relationship is a little more complex, but he's a teacher too.
I was more obsessive about the second one whilst I was in the shower, and I played over a scenario from a million different angles and all of them ended up with one of two outcomes. Either A) Him thinking I was off my rocker and shunning me or B) me losing an arguement and shunning each other. Neither of these situations are ones I want to be in, but I feel like I've got to talk to him. Hopefully he'll notice something is up. If it's not, I'll write it and give it to him as a letter or summat.

Today wasn't an amazing day. It wasn't dreadfully shite either, but it just wasn't good for me.

Grandmaster Guilt

Mood: Guilty as hell.
Music: Forever - Chris Brown.

I did the massive quest on runescape today. Took me like all day. Didn't do macbeth essay redraft, will do tommorow after work. Sam seemed annoyed at me over it, because I told him he should do his. :S I feel really bad now. Plus, I'm going on a trip until lunch tommorow and we don't know specifically when we'll be back but it's likely sam will be on his own at break and lunch. But I'll be with him in PE, so hopefully that'll cheer him up if he's in a bad mood.
Did a bit more work on his present to ease the guilt, but it didn't do much. I spent about an hour on it, and am still not finished. Will finish over the next few days, I'll probably be giving it to him when he sleeps over friday. Can't wait for that, actually.
Tommorow should be good though, so I should probably head to bed soon.

Recent Requests

See the alliteration? Do you see it?
;)

Mood: Happy, busy again.
Music: On The Radio - Regina Spektor. (It was the song for PSHE, which was jokes at the time. Don't judge me.)

I finally managed to pry myself from the warmth of my covers after like 6 attempts this morning, I'd left the windows open so it was FREEZING in my room. I quickly showered and ate before my mum gave me a lift to school. I got to school and had an urgent conversation with John, before poking Sam to make him aware of my presence, as he hadn't spotted me. I thought of not telling him I was there, but that would be mean. :P
The bell went so Tom, Myles and I seperated from the others and went to get the register, but apparently Myles and his form have moved their form room, so he isn't going to be walking with me anymore. I don't really mind, haha. So Tom & I headed to form and I got in the door to be greeted by Thompson 'OH THANK GOD, YOU CAN DO THE READING AT THE CONCERT!' I took the piece of paper, and it had a small note saying he'd emailed me the back up copy (on the school emails) and I moaned about how he'd assumed I'd do it and not asked anyone else in the four days I'd been away; but I didn't really care.
First was PSHE and Alistair was reeeeeaaaaally annoying until Sir told him to shut up or move to the back and then started playing music which I liked and Alistair didn't, which improved my mood vastly. He just shut up and sat there. It was BLISS.
I got my short report a couple of days late because I wasn't here. It looks awesome in my mind. I've got targets of 3 A*'s, 7 A's and a B. But the B is in french, and I only wanted a B anyway. This improved my mood even more.
Physics was second and that was all good. We went over homework that I wasn't there to have it set, so he just let me write the answers as they said them so that was all cool. Thing is, with Mr. Matthews, he relates the questions to whatever is on his mind and he just lectures on each one. So going over the homework took pretty much the entire lesson.
Break I had to go to the drama block as I was summoned by Miss Holyoake, even though I really didn't want to go, I went anyway. She handed us an envelope and in it was a sheet with a couple of photos on saying well done, and a letter from the headmaster saying he thought the performance was brilliant. lier. As soon as she let us go I bailed and went up to the library where it was full, but I gestured to Sam, so he came out with Myles + John. Then Myles got his scarf nicked. Lets just say... Hilarity insued.
Third was biology, and it was just sooo funny. Aran who sits next to me uses one of those clear pencil case things that are 'approved for examination usage' and he's had it for ages. It had a very slight tear below the zip and when tubby yanked it, the rip widened. Tubby, Chris and Andy noticed the rip and by the end of the lesson Aran's pencil case consisted of the zip, and the string that used to connect the pencil case. We all found it bloody funny, including the teacher, and Aran didn't mind. It's christmas soon anyway, he can ask for one. :P
Lunch I was forced to go to choir, and it wasn't that bad. Me, Nat Pickett and Goldsbrough started pissing around and Torrent wasn't exactly happy because the concert is on... Tuesday? Anyway, we tried to do it all serious and half way through the song Natt spanked me really lightly and I burst out laughing. Torrent was like >:@ so I yelled 'He felt up my ARSE!' lets just say the singing stopped after that. the laughter however, didn't. ;)
French was okay really, we just went over a load of stuff that I've missed a load of. It was my last lesson of the term, because I'm missing the monday one because of a science trip. :D French was a bit boring but Ben and I managed to make it out relitively unscathed. Ben told me how Mcqueen had given our english essays back and we had to hand the final draft in on tuesday so in between french and P.E I dashed to her room to get mine back.
P.E I got hit in the chest and the back by the ball. A lot. Tubby is really annoying in PE, he's just immature. I managed to have a bit of a laugh and join in aswell but I never bring trainers so he told me to do it barefoot. MY FEET WERE FREEEEZING. I walked Sam to reception then on my way back to my root met up with Alex in the year above me who I'm good friends with and lives near me so we walked together and just laughed around a lot.
It's been a pretty funny day already, and I've got this crappy stagecoach party to go to, to make it even better! XD

Things achieved today off my to do list
Went to choir.
Finished all LOTF connections.
Got the reading piece for concert so I can practice.
Got english essay back.

my main points of to do list

Revise for biology (it's a mock of the mock, I think :S) test on wednesday. I've got like 50 pages to read over cause it's a test on the entire unit.

Revise for chemistry (it's the same deal as biology) test on wednesday. I was told by Aran about this, so I would have some warning.

Redraft my English essay.

Do the last question of History coursework.

Get everything together in regards to xmas presents and cards.

It's all gooooood ;)

New-found Confidence.

PART I
Mood: Recovered, kinda guilty.
Music: Black & Gold - Sam Sparrow.

I feel bad for not going into school today, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'm definatly going in tommorow, I have to!
I tried this quest that I've been stuck on since I quit the game, I got 2/3 of the second bit done and died... twice, so I've given up on it. I didn't lose much, but its very frustrating.

Edit: PART II
Mood: Much better than previous
Music: Smile - Lilly Allen

Today was good. I had a lazy day until around 5, where I got talking to my friends properly again. Charlie is a guy I know online but we haven't spoken much and we had a short conversation. Me and Sam managed to have one of our longer chats again, I got what I needed from Tom and Myles; but I didn't get to talk to John. Who cares? I'll get that base covered tommorow. That sounded so wrong in my mind. Anyway, moving on... I'm in such a better mood. All my problems seemed to have faded away, I feel much better and healthier; and anyone that has a problem with me? Then that's their problem. So I have a load of spots? You know what, who cares? Their natural, and they'll fade over the years.
I'm a good person. I may not be amazingly clever, or amazingly good at anything in particular, but I'm okay and there are people much worse than me. Plus, I have amazing friends. They've got my back when it matters the most.
I'm back in the swing of things :D

Cold Pancakes

Mood: Better, feeling less ill.
Music: Tell Her - Del Amitri

I love the feeling of being able to wake up all alone in the house, because I always look hideous in the mornings, and there is no one around to judge me. I got up properly around 11:15, and after devouring a delicious cold pancake with lemon juice + sugar went on the computer. I logged onto this old game I used to play, and played for a while, before swapping to the laptop and shnuggling under my duvet on the sofa, whilst watching scrubs and carrying on playing the game.
It was actually pretty fun, a lot of my old mates have quit aswell, but there are a few people out there who remember me, and a couple of proper mates. After about two hours it got a bit boring. I broke out an old box of christmas cards and started writing them, trying to put something special in each of them; but I kinda ran out of willpower and for the people I didn't know so well I just put their name, a happy face, and 'From Andy x'. I feel bad, but it's better than nothing I suppose. I spent a little bit of time adding something to one of the only presents I managed to buy; I'm actually quite proud of it. It took me aaaages, and it's for a very special person. <3
Texted a couple of friends, and one of them got told off for texting in class but didn't care that I got them in trouble, so that was pretty cool. I should give Steph and extra special hug for being so cool next time I see her. Then my brother got home along with my mum, and with her crappy rules about computers when being ill I hid all trace of me being on it before deciding to phone Myles. I chatted to him for about an hour and had a laugh, until he had to go to dinner. Had tea (yummeh pizza) and my brother went to some concert at some school. I watched a bit more scrubs, went in the shower, and then just went on the computer. I don't think my mum cares anyway; she's seen me on it and didn't mention it.
I hope I get to go back to school tommorow, I miss the guys a bit.
Oh mah god. I'm so unhealthy. I had like a load of junk food today; and I'm meant to be ill. Meh, whatcha gon' do?

Boring days

Mood: Bored, have headache.
Music: In The Sun - Joseph Arthur

Did pretty much nothing today. Talked to Sam for a bit after he got home but he was probably kicked off by his dad or something because he didn't even say goodbye; Sam's not the kind of person to do that deliberatly.
In a bit of a crap mood really, because I feel really limited at the moment. There's nothing really I can do and I have a mahoosive headache. Might phone one of the guys, I dunno if I can be bothered...

Internal Delays

Mood: Not unhappy, but still pretty crappy.
Music: Collide - Howie Day
This song was played on One Tree Hill, which is an okay program I watch when it's on and I have litterally nothing else to do, and it really spoke to me today. I've been having a rough period recently, and it just seemed to help. I guess it's just a thing for me, but a lot of songs connect with me in my certain moods; and this is definately going on the list. I say that as if I have a list. Which I don't. I should start one.

I felt quite rough last night so I made a point of mentioning it to my mum, as she's a bit of a suspicious person who is unlikely to believe me in the mornings if I say I feel ill. She knows I'm not a morning person, but at night she seems to take it on board. Then I went to bed, and really struggled to get to sleep. Woke up in the middle of the night, sweaty as fuck, I had a nightmare. D: I dreamt I was in this glassy cage, and it kept shrinking, and all my friends walked past ignoring me. Then some people I hate walked past and started laughing at me and throwing stones. One broke the cage and I woke up. I went to the bathroom and my stomache ache kicked in as I washed my face, and I forced myself back to sleep again. My mum came in this morning and I said how I was really tired and she said she'd phone school and my boss to say I wouldn't be coming in. I feel bad about missing so much work, because of lord of the flies and now being ill. Linda is probably ready to fire me right about now.
I got up again around 11:30, and no-one was home. I was feeling slightly better, but still a bit shit. I wasn't sure what time my mum was meant to be home, but I guessed she'd be home in about an hour because she'd take a bit of time after lunch off to come see me because she has the right to do that. I spent half an hour on RuneScape just pissing around with my old character, it's so different on freeplay. Don't judge me, there was nothing better to do. Then I logged everything showing I went on the computer out (my mum's got this odd theory that computers make you sicker when you're ill) and settled down with my duvet infront of the TV. I watched 'The Parent Trap' which is an amazing film, and then a few other programs. Mum came and went, and when my cleaner left I went back on the computer. Sam was online so I was cheered up slightly and we're still talking now. I looked in the mirror, and spots have taken over my face. It's disgusting. I'm ugggleeeeeeee. :( Then all my flaws and faults kept popping up in my head, and I didn't want to bring it up until Sam asked and I just let go and told him everything.
He's probably long facing at how needy I am.

I can't get relationships and friendships and how their progressing out of my head right now. Like why does this girl have a crush on me? There is nothing attractive about me! Or why do certain people mean so much to me? Or, why do I mean so little to them?
Most of all, why couldn't life just be simple?

Bleary Vision

Mood: Recovering, slowly.
Music: The Nicest Thing - Kate Nash
This song really speaks to me a lot, because I've felt the feeling quite a few times. Especially recently...
Christmas is meant to be a good time of year, hopefully it'll get better soon.

I got up around noon today, and made some crumpets. Pissed around at home all day, got most of my homework done but I didn't really have the time needed to go on the computer, due to my family being internet whores. Lol. Nothing amazing happened today, except I finally got the achievement for owning 2.5 million gold's worth of real estate in albion.

My family is really wierd. We don't really get on amazingly well, except we occasionally have really funny moments that just have us spliiting our sides.

My mum really got on my nerves today. For a fourteen year old son, my mum is very.. aged. She's closer to retirement than parties, shall we say. She was just nagging at me all day making me do this or that or just generally getting in the way when I was trying to do stuff. Don't get me wrong, I love my mum and I have a great deal of respect for her, but our personalities clash. A lot. She doesn't really understand me. Like with NaNoWriMo, she just didn't get the attraction for me, she was really doubtful of it being a good idea.
My dad is okay, he's quite impatient and two years older than my mum. Ever since he came back from prison and we had a major arguement, we've had a fairly artificial relationship. We basically fake a perfect father/son relationship just so that we don't fight again. I do like my dad a lot though, even though he hides it, he does care.
My brother and sister are almost like friends really. My sister is hardly around anymore, but we get on fairly well. She's a very tolerant person and is always happy to talk about anything. My brother understands me more than most of my family, but we still argue quite a lot.

I did nothing today and I'm still knackered...
I'm feeling a bit stronger than yesterday, and I'm hoping to be back on my feet tommorow. It's just... Nothing amazing happened to balance out yesterdays shite. :/

Cracked Foundations

Mood: Hurt.
Music: Glasgow Love Theme - From love actually, don't know who plays it.
Today was a day of ups and downs, and the fact I'm still up at 00:30am proves that. I got up around 8, hurridly had a shower and was rushed out the door to go to dancing. Me and my dad made a bit of small talk in the car, then he parked up a bit early and told me that I should follow my heart when I'm choosing my career. I don't get what brought it on, but I just smiled and got out the car. I've been thinking about it quite a lot since he said it. He's right, and I will.
Tap, the teacher was running mega late, so we had a senior girl who I'm okay friends with called Zoey take the class with a random cd she'd been provided. The lesson was actually really fun, we were fitting our excersises to random pieces of music. We did double-triple timesteps to mambo number five, for example. Then at the end she challanged us to choreograph 2 counts of 8 using steps from our excersises, to 'Tragedy'. Mine turned out okay in the end, I quite liked it.
Modern however, was totally different. The teacher had arrived and all. My friends just didn't seem to be themselves, and didn't want to be with me in pairships. Which I found hurtful, because I'm not a bad dancer. I'm not the best in the class by a long shot, but I'm not the worst either. We then had to make up dances again in the last five minutes, but in groups. Lauren and Phillipa shunned me for god knows why, and Emily and Matt had already left to go to panto rehearsals. I didn't bother to ask the others and decided to make one on my own. It was okay I guess, but I was really hurt by the way Phillipa had reacted to me asking to go with them. We're okay friends, is the thing. No one really thought to ask me to join, and when the teacher said 'Who'll go first?' and I volunteered (just to get it out of the way) no one other than Phillipa and Lauren had realized. I did it, and everyone atleast pretended to like it. Then all the other groups went. Class ended and I got changed, then when I was invited into town by Lauren and Phillipa I said no, and they knew that I had to go at some point to get lunch. They nagged me into coming and eventually realized that I was upset even though I was practically holding back tears most of the time. I consider Lauren one of my best friends, and she doesn't stick up for me in those situations because she doesn't want to hurt phillipa's feelings. They apologized a load but it didn't really help, I pretended to smile and just loaded up on comfert food from the shops.
I slowly calmed down and my uncle phoned me asking about what to get the other family members for christmas, so I gave my rather shite and bland suggestions, and then hung up. I wasn't in the mood for it today. Jazz was okay, because Steph's in it. Who allegedly fancies me. I really like her as a person though, because she is always happy to see me.
Lauren and Phillipa were going to piss around after Jazz and I just couldn't be arsed with them so I sat and watched my brother's jazz class before coming home. I really quickly went online on msn, but no-one I wanted to talk to was online. Or in otherwords, Sam wasn't online. I just pissed around on Fable 2 and then watched the second half of love actually by myself. Henry joined me for a bit but he went to be after about twenty minutes.
Modern hit me really hard today, and it shouldn't have. I was just so sure that Lauren of all people would stick up for me in a situation where she was in the position to. I was sure of it. She properly apologized and stuff, but it still kind of stings. I'm doubting myself right now. I guess I'll get up tommorow and do all my homework and shit.
Love Actually got me thinking though. Christmas is a time to spend with your loved ones, allegedly. Who would I want to spend it with?
Sam... Lauren Ramsden (not dancing Lauren)... Someone who I'm not going to name because it's embarrasing... Rix... Maybe Myles...

Sinus Melt Down

Mood: Struggling through.
Music: Hallelujah - Rufus Wainwright.
Yesterday was nothing out of the ordinary. It felt wierd not having a LOTF rehearsal though. Oh, and I won a cookie in R.S, but that was balanced out by being smashed in the eye with a football in P.E, lol. It didn't hurt much though, but I found it hilarious.
I'm going through a bit of a rough patch at the moment; I'm completely exhausted, and don't have the time to rest up. I'm usually a bit tired, in fact I can't remember a time where I wasn't.. But this level is just unhealthy. Tuesday night I pretty much crashed, Wednesday after the shakespeare essay I crashed again, last night no so much but still crashing and right now I'm feeling as if I'm gonna crash again. I dun like it. :(
Morning form I got there early and just put my head on desk to try and get some sleep. Thompson asked me if I was okay and I was just like I want shleeeeep so he laughed and went back on his computer. I asked to see him during break and he said okay, just because I needed like two seconds of his time. Then I went off to first lesson which was History. My fourth question of coursework is due in for the last day of term, and it's like a 1,200 word essay. Might do it over the weekend. History was okay, but Alistair got a bit annoying. Second was Physics, and Chris asked me to sit next to him so I abandoned Aran and Matt for him, and felt slightly bad when Matt did his sad face thing which is sooo cute. I like Chris though, he's just slightly more upbeat than most people. Break I tried to see Thompson but he wasn't there so the sixth formers kicked me out and I went to the library and just hung there. Miss Leedale is such an old bag; I genuinely hate her. Atleast she's given my book section to the new librarians though, so I don't have a section anymore. SCORE.
Biology was okay, just boring. We went through stuff on infections and how they spread and shit, how the body reacts and how vaccination works. Aran changed the words of the song 'Fascination' to 'Vaccination' which was pretty funny. Then he nicked Tubby's diary and wrote most of the song 'Hallelujah' in the back of it, which I then sang under my breath and it got stuck in my head. Thompson wasn't in his room at lunch either, and I the 'gang' wasn't in the quiet area so I gave in and went to choir. Tom and John were there, along with John's little brother Thomas who is (imo) an annoying snotbag. Tom mentioned Sam being depressed so I used that as an excuse to get out so that I could go find him so I could give him shnuggle time. He was in the library and it turned out he'd just lost his voice. Miss leedale being the old bag she is, me & Sam jumped ship of the library and spent lunch together. We promised each other heated sex at my house. Haha.
Afternoon form was alright. Thompson was like sorreh i was buseh. I stayed back after form instead and he got rid of Callum and Alistair. Alistair is just annoying, but he keeps pushing limits. He's really starting to collectively tick me and Thompson off. Callum is just dumb and wants to get Thompson 'on his side'. I don't mind Callum, but I do prefer to be alone with Thompson, I just don't get the chance anymore. We were never that close, but we were closer before. But he banished them and I finally got the chance.
It's his birthday sunday and like the suckup/friend I am I got him a tiny gift. It's not like one of those shitty impersonal things though, because he means a lot to me. I've yet to work out why, he means far too much. In summer, I went to Edinborough Comedy Festival (it was jokes) and I got each of the people I went to see to sign my program/ticket, minus Ed Byrne as he doesn't meet and greet. So I had this program with the autographs of: Stephen K Amos, Tim Minchin, Nicholas Parsons and Mark Wattson. When I told him about the festival in september he was dead jealous, so I gave him the program as the gift.
French wasn't as bad as it could have been, it's actually a lot better now. It's not depressing, it's just boring. I managed to stay focussed for most of it and I got a low B for my first bit of coursework, which I was happyface about. Physics part 2 was okay just boring because Mr. Matthews talks sooo much. After that I went to go talk to Thompson really quickly, he was Miss Knaggs and Callum who was like 'oh we should start a group.' I was like 'no. we shouldn't.' I guess I'm just jealous, I'm petty and matieralistic like that. Miss Knaggs was like 'You shud of brought him a present but I can't really talk cause I forgot too.' To me and Callum and me and sir looked at each other and smirked, but I didn't want to say anything in front of Callum. Then Thompson went back to his room to mark in some grades, Callum was staying with Knaggs so I went with Sir. We just talked about the weekend and stuff for a bit, and I knicked his phone, got it to his number, and slowly started to write it out (not intending to finish it, just to see his reaction) I got it half down before he noticed. I lol'ed. He moaned about having to do shit so I gave him a hug even if he didn't hug back. It felt good, haha. Then I realized I had stage coach and bolted home.
Stagecoach was okay but I sounded crap in singing cause of my cold; I sound crap normally but like... worse than normal.
Got home and pissed around a bit, before eating and writing this up. I've not had an opportunity to talk to Sam like, properly, recently. Lunch today... Well it was great and all, but I feel like he's a bit more confident over the computer or in actual private. It's just.. I've always got something on. I hope he knows how important he is to me. Or I will be sadface.
ILU SAM <3 teacher and my best friend. The best friend bit is all good. The teacher bit is sad. I wish he didn't mean as much to me, because... I don't mean much to him. It's depressing. Ugh I'm being obsessive. Someone slap me.

Warmer Days

Mood: Content
Music: With or Without you – Diana Vickers cover
I’m not thinking properly due to being very tired, so this is pretty much whatever comes into my head, sorry.
Today was a catch up day, really. The aftermath of a busy November. Lord of the Flies is officially over (don’t go into last night, it was absolutely crap. To sum it up: Ross Arthur is a twat)
I caught up on coursework and homework, and most of the social stuff I’ve missed, except I still haven’t had a proper long conversation with Sam again yet, Fable 2 was asking to be played. =/
However, I did try and be as good a friend as possible. He seemed a bit glum during break and lunch so I made a shitty cheer up card for him and when we were walking back he was cold so I forced my jacket onto him. He tried to give it back and run but he forgot that I’m a faster runner than him. He failed in his attempts lol.
I had a load of lactic acid in my legs all day because I sprinted to school last night because a group of chavs were following me. It really got in the way when I was walking and stuff lol, but at least my back is fine now.
Work was good, nothing out of the ordinary, was all simple stuff.
English Coursework is done :) 4 and a bit pages or something in the end, and I’m quite proud of it. I managed to use quotes to back up my points and all.
So tired though. Gonna go to bed now.

Act III

Mood: Confused
Music: Details in the Fabric - Jason Mraz + James Morrison

I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. The end is here. Lord of the Flies finishes tonight. Finally. Yet, I'm not happy. Why am I not celebrating?

Over the day I found out quite a lot of people who had either said they would come and bought tickets or said they'd try to come didn't come or can't. I was actually quite dissapointed. Just because of how much my family said I was good in it, I really wanted all the people to see. Surprisingly, I wasn't annoyed at Sam for saying he couldn't come. He's got a life of his own. There was a certain person who I've been feeling distant from recently who told me they were coming last night. They bought a ticket. But they didn't go. It actually really pissed me off, but I just pretended it was fine and shrugged it off. I wanted them to go...
Double ICT was good, but Miss Hughes realized that Sam & I are rarely 'on task' but are still ahead, and thinks we need to get even further ahead. I don't get why. Core is just so basic and easy, it's boring to me. In standard IT, Sam gave me a goodluck card. I put on my best happy face. It meant a lot, but I just wasn't in the mood. Break was okay, it was just nothing special really. I guess I was distracted by things on my mind but I just said it was me being tired and ignored it, sort of.
Third was History which was surprisingly good, considering my group. We were forced into groups and I was stuck with Nizomi (who doesn't speak english great) Zack (who I like but is dim at best) Alistair Beverage (Who's nice but lazy) and Simret (Who I pretty much loathe.) and we actually did a really good job of the poster and had fun along the way. We represented France, and me and Sim ended up in a cuss match against Dom who was representing Germany.
Lunch I went to this thing for Miss Gower where she asked me to come up with questions and stuff for the new team. The person who's playing Jack is in the team, and even if he's a shite actor, he is very intellegent. This years team like me and I'm happy it's them. I knew three of them already, and the fourth is just an idiot who likes me anyway.

In a slightly better mood, I went to afternoon form. He doesn't know I'm annoyed; the amount I moaned about it, he probably thinks I didn't want him there anyway. But I put it past me and went to maths. Maths was okay, it was simple equations and easy. It was boring though. The people who play Simon, Piggy and Bill are in my class. I sit next to Alex (Simon) and Ben (Bill) and Mike (Piggy) is a table behind me. I like them all, so nowadays the class is better than before. We joked around, by quoting lines in mid conversations and confusing everyone except Matt (who'd seen the play last night) and Miss Lewis (who had also attended).
English was surprisingly good. Sam, Tom, Chris and I are in a group together and we watched I'm a Celebrity for a bit and it was revolting. Then we just laughed around a bit, and the bell rang.
I debated what to do after school and just ended up walking home, reflecting on stuff. I like my little walk home when I'm alone, I get to do a decent bit of thinking. I got in the door and loaded up Fable 2 and pissed around. I have a good character now and I'm just pissing around pretty much, and I own quite a lot of Real Estate so everytime I go on in the time I was away my character has shat a golden brick.

But I'm still not happy. I'm not sad, but dissapointment effected my day. I guess I just have to hold out till the end of act III tonight.

Irritating Words

The play was... Better than expected, but still pretty damn bad. Everyone else seemed to think it went well though (in the cast anyway) so I joined in the cheering and stuff.
It's odd; I'm experianced enough on stage not to get nervous before a show. Even in these situations, where I could predict it'd go wrong. But I was still calm as anything. Everyone else was pissing themselves or running up and down or sitting in a heap biting their nails.

The show itself went fine. All the problems that happened where fixed. Mostly by Mike and I. Then when it was over and I was changed back and everything my family started telling me how it wouldn't of been a show without me, that I saved it and blah blah blah shut the hell up. I'm not even that good an actor. All that happened was that I didn't panic. A cast is a team, a team. If we make mistakes, it's not, for example, Ross's fault (though it normally is) its the casts. And as a team, we have to get him out of the problem. It just really annoys me, because them saying how good I was tonight puts pressure on me for tommorow. Whatever, its all good.

There is one thing I noticed tonight though. About a week ago, everything got on top of me and I just sat there all night with a wobbling lip realizing I was out of my depth. Then I realized, by this time wednesday, it'd all be over. However tonight, when thinking about it, it won't be. Mr. Torrent still wants me to save the choir, Mrs. Gower wants me to coach the science team, there will still be homework I haven't done...

But that's the way life works. Thats the way my life works. If it didn't, I wouldn't be who I am. I'm always rushed off my feet. Maybe not as rushed off my feet as I have been in November; but there is always something I haven't done. It's what makes me tick though. I guess the only thing I need to do is pencil in more time for the friends I've been sort of neglecting recently.

Mixed Emotions

Mood: I'm not too sure, actually...
Music: If You Only Knew - Savannah Outen
Everything is up in the air right now. I'm not too sure how I feel about anything, or anyone. I've had so much on my plate over November, that now when it's coming to a halt; everything's changed. I missed all of my lessons today for one final rehearsal; but I still went to form. Morning assembly was boring as per usual, about records of achievement. You did tell us, you know, in fact I need to do some printing in ICT tommorow so I can have a colour version of two certificates to put in my record of achievement.
The rehearsals were awful, but atleast we got a tiny bit of practice in. Myles continiously pissed me off during the first two periods by telling everyone they should know their lines and how it's going to look awful. Just before break I flipped at him. 'We all know it's shit without you telling us every five seconds, so stop bumming us out. And coming from you! You have 8 lines and you can't even get any of them right so why are you having a go at us when we have like, hundreds!?' He didn't respond, he just walked off. It hurt his feelings, but I didn't care then and I don't now. He was being selfish, he was goading us for a reaction because he was bored.
Lunch was okay I guess. Went to see my english teacher to ask for an extension for the coursework because of Lord of the Flies taking up our time. Instead, I got some homework due in tommorow and an extra day, instead of the week I'd asked for. I guess it's something. I will do the essay after work on wednesday; it's the only opportunity I have. Then we went to the library; and had a bucket of laughs. This person who takes over at 12:40 from the librarians is actually awful. She hasn't worked out how the alarm system works yet, so people take advantage by setting it off every two seconds. Her reaction is still hilarious.
Fourth period, Miss tried to have a go at me for telling Kieran to listen. I lol'ed at her. Again. Earlier in the day someone asked me in front of her whether or not I was in the play and I said 'unfortunatly so' and she got pissy with me for it. She decided that I'm demoralizing the rest of the cast for my own amusement. I'm sorry... WHAT!? Kieran had no clue what he was doing so I was telling him to listen so he'd know. To HELP. I was correcting Ross's pronounciation so he wouldn't look like a dick on stage. To HELP. It was a joke. For LOLZ. Seriously, "-.-
It's a good thing I've realized this play is better than we think, and I want my friends to come just because of the amount of time that's gone into it. All that shitty time that I could've used in much more productive ways.
Then there is the fact I'm confused in my love life at the moment... I like... 4 different people, I think it comes to? 2 of them would never like me, for reasons best not explained. Just because if anyone reads it and works out who they are and tells them.. It just wouldn't go well. 1 of the 2 that would never date me however, suspects that I have feelings for them due to my friend's loud mouths. Hence the choice of song.

Tieing up loose ends.

November is over as of tonight, and in my household, Christmas has started!
Lotf rehearsal was crappy, Miss started to have a go at me at one point and I laughed in her face because her arguement was redundant. She was telling me to not be in the right position, and if I did it her way the entire next bit of action would be fucked up for me because I'd be no-where near where I needed to be.
Other than that, today was fucking amazing. I got home to a few messages from friends, saying congratulations on NaNoWriMo win, or I'VE WON TOO and general things like that. This made me happyface. I then got a really nice text from an old friend and I used my sisters phone to text back as I was fresh out of credit. Then my sister's boyfriend and his best mate did a surprise visit, the best friend left for Reading but the boyfriend stayed. I love Mike, he's a really nice guy. We did the Christmas tree and it ended up looking beautiful, and my mum gave me my advent calander. I got a really awesome doctor who one, I'm actually really looking forward to tommorow now. I miss all five lessons due to lord of the flies rehearsing; and then I have a performance that night and quite a few people I know are coming to watch. I asked my friends not to come and I sort of regret it; it wasn't as bad as I thought...
Still no word from Sam, tried talking to him on msn but he wasn't there. If he'd wanted to talk, he would have phoned. I gave him the option of phoning me yesterday and he didn't reach the phone at the specific time and something in his head decided that it'd be a physical impossibility for me to pick up the phone at any other time that day; lol. I get the feeling he's annoyed at me over something, but I don't know what it is. Since LOTF and NaNo took up so much of my time this month, we haven't really had time to talk; we're quite cut off from each other. I hope he knows that it's only till wednesday, and I do care about him. A lot.

Second Winds

Mood: Riding the second wind (Back up win, if you don't know)
Music: All of the words - Kutless
I won NaNoWriMo today.
I completed the story too.
I feel damn good about it.
Dancing was good; but I was getting irritated because I was pretty much alone for an hour and a half because quite a few of my friends weren't there, so I was all sadface because I hadn't brought paper to write with me. We have a new tap and modern teacher because the headteacher hated alex and just fired her for seemingly no reason, no explained one anyway. Eithe rway, the new one is actually really good looking and nice. After the break, I had Jazz and we did lifts. Me and Steph managed to do the first one perfectly, so Darren (the teacher) asked me to do it with Jocelyn. It basically involved the partner jumping into my arms. Jocelyn jumped a lot higher than I was expecting and she went over my shoulder; so I caught her and took litterally all of her weight until I could put her down; which knackered my back in. But then Darren showed us this other lift that looked really cool and involved a lot of trust. Steph seemed intested in doing it, so we tried, but it didn't work. Luckily however, I managed to place her down carefuly. We tried it again and it didn't work either, but that was only because I didn't move my arm quick enough, and we promised each other to try again next wee. Considering I don't know Steph that well, I'm really glad she trusted me enough to do those lifts with me.
I got home feeling really bummed about my back though and feeling like I wouldn't be able to write; and my mum was just like 'Well keep trying to write' so I did; and it took me a while but I got into it, and the 3,000 words I needed just came out of me, and I finished the entire story line. The only bad side now is I didn't get to talk to Sam, but oh well. Oh and X Factor didn't record properly, but I'm going to watch the results. I watch the actual show online or something tomorrow. I wanted to watch Miley Cyrus perform really, she's actually more talented than people think... I settled for watching an old episode of torchwood that I hadn't seen, but I only got to see the second half. The results show should be on soon... Hope everyone out there in the world is as satisfied as I am right now. X

Time Rush

Mood: Happy
Music: Into the Rush - Aly + Aj
Don't have much time, but today was great, actually. I had PSHE which wasn't that bad, and mr. matthews was back in physics so he just blabbed on for an hour and we didn't have to do any work. Break was good and I got given a completely mucked up double decker by Tom, haha. Placing it in my pocket I went to the final LOTF rehearsal before the first performance that afternoon; a third party 'Mrs. Turner' was there and she was an amazing help. The play was looking up. We were finally released for a bit of lunch and me and Ben decided to go to the french re-test because we'd debated on whether or not to go. I went to the library first because the reteststarted at 12:50. In a better than normal mood (for after a rehearsal) I talked to Sam and there is still definately something on his mind, but he couldn't tell me at the time due to Imran being there. I felt really bad. He was saying yesterday how no-one has the time to listen, and I told him I did, and yet now I'm busy all night and don't have the time to talk to him. I looked at Sam's watch and said I'd talk to him tommorow and dashed to my french re-test. Ben was already there and so were a bunch of others; the test itself was easy and I was held back because she knew I wouldn't be in the lesson. My target grade is a B, I'm happy with that. :D
Then dashed to form to say that I'm in school but doing lord of the flies, then went back to the hall. The performance went okay, actually. We encountered a fuck load of problem, but we fixed them all. Most of them were done by me, mostly spouting Jack's lines. Ross was drafted in to play Jack fairly late, so he is slightly excusable for it. Afterwards Josh who plays Ralph was like woo you saved us <3 so I was happy :P We stocked up on the freebies left over that the year 5's didn't take. I nicked a few desborough pens and a pencil, plus two of these little fluffy things that stick to walls. Dey so cute. <3 Mum came to pick me and up and drive me home and I wrote this. Now I have stagecoach, then am going to pizza hut until late tonight.
Life is good :D
Now I just need Sam to phone me tommorow so we can talk, in my break at dancing, and I'll be all happy again. 3,000 words left of NaNoWriMo. PUH-LEASE. I have two days left. What was I panicking about? Saturday and Sunday. Saturday I have dance and after that I can type up the 1500 words. Sunday I have another LOTF rehearsal from 10-2:30, I can type up the 1500 words after that. NaNo will be under my belt.

Concealed Words

Sam and me were talking on msn about how we're so close that we don't actually tell each other what we think of each other, and he felt that this was bugging our relationship; and he had to 'brb' but asked me to write what I thought... So I did. I can't remember exactly what I put but it went along the lines of that we've known each other for four years and sometimes I struggle to come up with what to say, because we've discussed a load of stuff. I've never talked about him because I've never had anything to say. But the fact I thought recently he'd become a tiny bit withdrawn and I was worried about him.
He got back to the computer and was like 'oh gotta go bye' and I'm not sure if it's because I offended him or what, but it's eating at me. I want to know what he was going to say about me. He obviously had something to say, or he wouldn't of brought it up.
I'm really worried.

Footprints in the Sand

Foot prints in the sand.

Mood: Confused, lazy, bogged down.

Music: Closing Time - Semisonic / Dreaming of you - Coral

Impressions. First impressions. Second impressions. Three thousandth impressions. They can all be wrong, can’t they? I mean, our interpretations of people are always changing whilst we’re around them. For example, I always thought this girl… Kim, was an amazing person, she was always bubbly and happy and then she just changed into a bitch. Then there’s John, who I thought was a bit of a... well… I dunno, just not my type of guy, and then we end up actually being pretty good friends now. Then there’s this older guy I know, I’ve known him since year 7. He’s been like a mentor since then, and I’ve had this crush on him that came and went and came and went; and I just thought he was a really great guy. But recently, he’s been offending me. Over little things. I’m being pathetic I know… but still. Like today, I was talking to him and another person and we split our different ways, and they went off together. I said bye, and the other person made the point of saying see ya later and he didn’t even look back at me. It’s just the fact he defiantly heard that we were going different ways, and didn’t say goodbye. Why is that such a big thing for me?
Today wasn’t amazing. I have so much stuff going on that requires attention and effort, that I don’t have the time or energy to give to them.
NaNoWriMo. I have 3 days left, and 5,000 odd words to write. I just can’t be bothered.
Lord of the Flies. It’s not as bad as it could be, or we think it is, but it’s still depressing.
Fake friends. Their just not worth it.
A good percentage of the people I care about. Why do I bother.

I may aswell be the dead pig from Lord of the Flies right now

Got up later and dashed in the shower before scoffing down a piece of bacon and heading to school. Got there and chilled with Nick and some random guy who’s name I don’t know, but he knew mine so it was all good. Neither Tom or Myles were there, so I walked half way with Tim before heading to form. We didn’t have much time in form because he had to go to assembly; but Alistair got in trouble for basically being an ass. Maths was okay, we got Mrs. Lewis to talk about her past and it was actually pretty interesting. After that we had English so that was okay because I sit next to Sam. I quickly did the homework at the start of the lesson, and then we studied an exemplar essay the rest of the time. Break was okay, nothing different really. Third was Chemistry which was just plain boring, because we were doing some crappy practical that wasn’t interesting the first time we did it last year. After that I spent Lunch with the new science team, and it actually put me in a relatively good mood, which lasted for biology and even French. Then it started; after French. LOTF Rehearsal. The final one. Shitty techies. Jack is the only good techie, the others were just idiots. One of them started having a go at us because we got a bit stuck and it just blew a fuse with me. He was saying how we were performing on Friday and we had to know our lines and I just snapped back ‘Exactly, meaning we need to make the most of our time so stop being a CUNT and GIVE US THE LINE.’ Everyone else on the stage agreed with me, and Miss basically told the two twats to sit up and put up. We carried on and they started to piss around and miss told them to go home and Jack stayed. Three hours later, the rehearsal was FINALLY over, I went to go thank the one decent techie and walked home. I’ve now been home about an hour and fifteen minutes and done no NaNoWriMo writing, I only have a couple of days left…
Life’s not great. But I can’t wait till about a week and two day’s time. By midnight Sunday night, NaNo will be over and hopefully I’ll be a winner. By next Tuesday evening the lord of the flies will be over; and I can get on with the last thing, Choir and then catch up and everything else like the important stuff like coursework. Christmas holidays had better be good.

Rekindled Embers

Rekindled Embers

Mood: Great, but slightly worried for that special person.
Music: Tim Minchin – Not perfect

Today was good. School was a tad naff however, something was up with Sam and he didn’t want to talk about it, at least not in front of the guys. History was good with Myles, we just talked basically the entire lesson, but he wasn’t feeling well. Physics was with the same teacher as history as a cover, and me and Aran had a laugh around.
Break I was worried about Sam a lot, but I tried to be happy anyway. After this I had Biology was okay, I had to stand up and do a presentation because I was one of the only six to actually do the homework, but it actually wasn’t that bad. My self esteem was defiantly back because I managed to stand up there, un prepared because I didn’t know we’d have to do a public speaking bit to it, and according to my teacher, pull off a damn good job. After I walked out of the room in Biology, Thompson’s room seemed a bit trashed and the door was open so I walked in to see him sitting on top of a desk in frustration. I started to talk to him a bit and for once he started to open up to me, but Mr. Weaver walked in and implied us sleeping together (it’s a running joke from last year, that Mr. Weaver got involved in) and basically ripped the conversation up and ate it. We went our separate ways and I went to my mates. Something was still up with Sam, but he wouldn’t talk about it. I’m crap in those situations. I’m good when people talk, but when they don’t and everyone else is around, I just freeze up without knowing what to do.
Afternoon form I quickly checked on Thompson and he said he was fine now but I wasn’t fully convinced. French I started day dreaming and hoping they were both okay. I was asked a question out of the blue and I managed to answer it because of one of the things I translated to my French exchange. I was dead chuffed.
Physics again, we had a cover, in the room next to Thompson’s. Me, Chris, Alistair, Tubby and Andy took part in a cuss match between basically all of us V.S Alistair, except I occasionally insulted Tubby because that was easy. The best insult of it was when Alistair said he was going to kill Tubby on Monday and Tubby’s response was ‘Why Monday? Do you need time to boil it over?’ (Alistair has an egg shaped head) que laughter from all the rest of us.
I delayed my leaving a bit so that I could get out on time so that Thompson would’ve released his class and not look suspicious. Music was coming from his room and I walked in, he was smiling. He danced across the room and I just laughed, he was finally happy again. I love him, he’s amazing.

Stagecoach, a girl I effectively wasn’t talking to because of her boyfriend had an argument with said boyfriend so we were fairly okay. In the end we invited her back to the party which she originally wasn’t invited to. The party was amazing, we pissed around with sparklers and stuff in the dark and after a while went in to play truth or dare. Bradley snorted ice cream, I bit Kim’s lip and Laura’s ear lobe, Hillary full on snogged my brother, Laura didn’t touch the dares, Kim stripped, me and Bradley dunked our heads into the freezing cold un-powered hot tub, and it was actually a great truth or dare games. Most of the ones I play it’s like ‘dare’ ‘hmm… kiss x, y and z’ repeatedly and it’s never fun. The stage coach guys are genuinely creative, and it was just amazing the things they came out with. After everyone went home in their groups I loaded up blog spot, to see that Sam hadn’t got better.
I’m really worried about him. I can’t get in contact with him until either 8am or 11:30am tomorrow, which makes me feel like such a shit friend.
I hope your okay Sam, I really do. X

Lucky Sails

I don’t have much time because I’m over loaded with work and it’s my brothers birthday so we’ve been doing prep for the last couple of hours, going for a meal etc. I just have one thing to say about today…
When you hit massive storms like I did yesterday, you just have to hope that you got lucky like I did and have Sails that can catch the winds. The person involved in the problem was one I would trust with my life and the way he dealt with it proved to me that maybe I do mean more to him than nothing. My friends were all really supportive too, and now I’ve come to it, I’ve realized when I’m with these people, I’m so much stronger than the bastards in life trying to bring me down.
Thanks guys, I don’t deserve you. <3

A lie told over the centuries.

I'm fine.

Dirty Water

Dirty water

I got up a bit late and hurried a shower, the man idea of it was just to get rid of my bed hair and the sweat that’d appeared over night. I walked to school without my brother, because he still wasn’t ready. I got to school to see Nick and Tom squabbling, and that Sam and Luke weren’t at school. I assumed their car must’ve broken down or something, it’s happened a few times before. The bell rang so me, Tom and Myles walked to form.
Thompson wasn’t there in the morning, so Mr. Lennon (my head of year) took us for morning form. He sent for someone to fetch Terry Cain, and I had a slight idea about what it was about but didn’t say anything. He came in and was sent to isolation. I love sitting at the front, you can hear what the teacher is saying; it was about how Terry had owned Mr. Reilly the other day by being like ‘bloody idiot’ ‘what?’ ‘Yeah and you’re a shit teacher too.’
ICT core was easy; I did almost an entire task in a lesson, which is quite an achievement to be honest. However, Jack still thinks its funny to hide my bag at the end of the lesson, but Tubby told me where he hid it and I got it back within seconds.
ICT standard, I normally sit next to Sam, so I had an empty seat next to me. I loaded up my work and hit trouble almost instantly, I’d managed to split my Navigation bar into three different bits, and pressing the un-do button did nothing at all. Miss Hughes fixed it for me, and I soon hit trouble again because I couldn’t get my links working.
‘Your lost without Sam, aren’t you?’ She joked, not seeing me nodding. Sam keeps me on task a lot more than I realized, I really take him for granted sometimes.
History was okay, Myles arrived about 15 minutes late. We were copying off the board a lot, but Miss Hughes’s comment stuck in my head. Sam gave me this necklace at the start of year 10, and even if I don’t wear it, I keep it with me all the time. Greg started reading so I knew miss wasn’t paying attention so I grabbed it out of my bag and put it on. I don’t know why, I guess I really missed him. I’m still wearing it now.
Lunch’s rehearsal wasn’t too bad; Myles came to it (in the end for no reason) and gave me his cheese string. He told me a load of blatant lies about his history essay, and we got about half of act three done.
Thompson was back in afternoon form; he’d been late due to traffic and signed diaries the entire time. Maths was really boring with a cover teacher who didn’t really speak at any point, and we were doing long division again. I was so tempted to quote a song I really like and say ‘I can’t do the long division someone do the math’ as every single answer.
English I sat alone again, because as of yesterday I sit next to Sam. I started to write this and a guy kept asking me what I was doing, because we were watching a film so I kept insisting it was nothing and in the end he got really wound up over it.
The lord of the flies rehearsal after school? Don’t fucking go there.
I walked home all broody about how I feel like I’m fading away. I mean, there are a few people who mean a lot to me and I mean a bit to them, like my best friends Sam, Laura and Lauren. Then there are people who mean a lot to me but I mean nothing to them, and the people who used to mean a lot to me, and I’m slowly turning off them.
I got home and looked at my NaNoWriMo word count. 29,005 words. From yesterday. That’s good. That’s ‘on target’. In fact it’s more than ‘on target’ for yesterday. I’m behind today, and I’m sitting here with the words laughing at me from a distance.

Concepts and Reality

Concepts of Reality.

Yesterday was a day of ups and downs. It started on a high, in PSHE we had a cover and we basically just terrorized. We were given basically ten sheets to write on, and we had all had her before, and knew her control was awful. Each of these ten sheets were turned into paper aeroplanes and soon it was hard to see across the classroom because of the aerial war going on. Needless to say the cover was not best pleased, but I’m sure she’ll of got over it. We did a similar thing with blue tack last time we had her in maths, it was jokes!
Physics was second and Matthews was about half an hour late, so I wrote about a page for my NaNoWriMo whilst talking to John, Aran and Matt. John is another member of my main ‘group’ and is okay. He occasionally demands attention, but is no where near as bad as Tom or Myles. Matthews arrived and talked for the rest of the lesson, so I just carried on writing, he’s not the most observant of teachers.
Break was okay, but Myles and Tom were competing for my attention again and Myles asked me to read over his history essay. That was due in the day before he joining my class. I read over it, and he’s made the points miss told him to make, but he’s completely missed what she meant, and has made them in an extremely unclear manner, and a lot of his facts were wrong. I told him he might need to rephrase a lot of it but it was okay, because I knew he’d ignore my advice. I was right, he didn’t even change his blaring mistake in the first paragraph, saying that world war 1 had started in 1916. I whispered something along these lines to Sam and then talked to Tom and Myles for a bit.
Thing is with Tom and Myles, they demand my attention, so when I’m giving it to them it’s in the frame of mind that I could be talking to one of the others who will have tried to say something but been cut across. It means when I do get to give my attention to the others like Sam and Luke, it means I genuinely am interested in what they have to say. I appreciate them as friends a lot more, because their opinions aren’t just a slur to compete over another person’s voice. It’s a shame that I don’t really get to spend that much time talking to Sam during break and lunch, because when Tom and Myles start doing their thing I feel like he gets a bit withdrawn, and he’s more of the ‘pictures speak a million words’ guy and expresses himself through his art work. It’s why it’s generally so amazing to be honest.
Biology was amazing, we were in a computer room and were looking up how hormones affected fertility, and we had to make a presentation. I did this speedily, and found out that a lot of pages were blocked because they contained the word breasts, so they deemed the site as porn. Many laughs were had about this. After a while I was pissing around on image search and I found a great website with a load of jokes, so I saved the website to favourites and went back to the work because Mortimer caught onto what I was doing, I think.
Lunch was more of the same as break really, the thing that annoys me about Tom is the fact he is incredibly gluttonous and doesn’t understand that everyone else is just as important as he is, in terms of eating, in terms of everything really. He will demand that we give him food and it’s just like… Erm, no Tom, eat your own chocolate, you have like a million bars of it in your lunch.
French was boring as hell, just Hudson going on and on about adverbs and how they are very important. I took a bit of it on board, and my mate Ben was like ‘Hey Andy here have a copy of the script album!’ so I was like ‘Yes mate!!!’ I love the script, they are an amazing band.
PE I couldn’t be arsed with and had forgotten my kit; he didn’t even ask me about it because I didn’t mention it to him. I sat and thought a while, and spoke to Ryan quite a bit. Ryan can be extremely irritating, but he is also very clever when he wants to be. We just talked about story lines and plots, etc. Every now and then Sam would come and sit down because there was a rotating three team thing going on. At one point he looked depressed so I offered my hand, and we ended up holding hands for a bit. I dunno, but there are still a few people who don’t know about my sexuality (Everyone else does due to the biggest wanker ever) and I’ve been denying it to them, due to several people already being immature about it, so I kinda used my position of my leg to hide it. I mean, I wasn’t embarrassed to be holding his hand at all, but it’s the kind of thing that would get a second look from the class.
Sam is amazing. Tom and Myles, they don’t truly understand me, but they want my attention the entire time. In my mind, their friends with ‘the concept of me’ because, I’m probably the highest socially ranking in the group, and the most out-going and I’m perverted (dirty minded) and can make jokes. Sam, he’s friends with me for whom I am, not what I am. I really appreciate that.

Indegestion Problems

Last night was amazing. My French exchange student, my brother and my sister went with me to see the lights on oxford street go on. Everyone was smiling, Daniel Ruth and Rachel from the X factor performed before the sugar babes sung ‘push the button’ and then Jamie and Harriet from heart radio turned on the Christmas lights on Oxford street in London. Even if the staging was a bit poor, it was still great. Then we visited Hamley’s, the seven storey toy store and spent about an hour in there, just exploring all the amazing inventions and gizmos that had been released to keep young richer people happy. There was bubble machines, air blasters, powder that when mixed with water turned into proper snow like stuff, toy cars that flipped at the press of a button, massive teddy bears, small teddy bears, a load of stuff for the people with a sweet tooth… It was actually amazing. It was the good night I needed to get my life back on the rails, because looking after Wesley is actually extremely tiring. Tuesday I had a shit day, but had to pretend everything was fine, take him to noodle bar and go see the new James Bond. Henry brought his friend to noodle bar, who tipped a pint of diet coke over me, but the Bond film did slightly cheer me up.
I hadn’t written at all for my NaNoWriMo this week, but it was major motivation that my best friend Sam decided to join the challenge with me. Sam is just a great guy; he’s always there for me and up for most new things. Oh and he’s one heck of an artist too ;)
Today started on a positive, I got in the car and when I got to school I had to talk to a guy called Nick for a while, then went around with Terry Cain for a bit. He had his mother change his religion on the school database to Jedi Knight, which I found very funny. Then I got back to were my group usually is, and Myles and Tom were there. Now don’t get me wrong, they are my friends, but I can’t get the feeling that these two try to compete for my attention. There is something I should make clear. They are both homosexual. However, only one of them (Tom) has ever attempted to ask me out. And he’s attempted… over twenty times. It has to be. I’m bisexual myself, but he seems incapable to take the hint that he is not my type. Now Myles has never asked for my help, but he always seems to be trying to get my attention or involve himself in whatever I am doing. When Sam got to school Myles was a bitch and told him he looked bad in the scarf that actually suited him, which I’m fairly sure pissed Sam off more than some-what.
Laughed around a bit in form with Alistair and Thompson, although I’m not sure whether Sir is getting annoyed at me, or is just having a bad period at the moment because he’s become very dismissive towards me; but meh, what are you going to do?
Chemistry was a bit boring, we watched her do a demonstration then pretty much watched exactly the same thing but on a video.
Physics my teacher started speaking forth about some random stuff, I think it was how to measure Kinetics or something. Either way, I had obtained some spare paper and he was boring me, so I started to write out the next scene for my NaNoNovel, half a page of writing later he finally sets some work.
I tried to make the most of break; knowing I’d be spending lunch at a rehersal for lord of the flies. The truth is, I really don’t want to do it, but I have to. I can’t just drop out now. I am pretty much the third biggest part, so if I dropped out it’d collapse rather more than somewhat, and I’ve made a couple of friends in the cast. Break was okay but Myles was being a bit irritating going on about how he was swapping art for history; he claims it is because he has two practical subjects instead of theory, so wants another theory, but everyone else thinks its just to get in a class with me. However, he didn’t know at this time I have to sit next to the Japanese guy because I help him, as he speaks no English. I did a bit of the Religious Studies essay in break and talked to Sam’s little brother Luke.
I adore philosophy. Miss Knags likes me, which always helps. Because I hang around my form tutor quite a bit, I talk to her quite a lot too. She’s a great person, she just feels the need to remember that I am a student and she is a teacher more than necessary. Even though I’m fairly sure that is the case with my form tutor as well, he doesn’t make it as obvious. I finished the essay in the lesson, and did a bit more of the Nano because we were just watching a movie. I couldn’t help myself, but when discussing the weakness of Darwin’s theory of evolution (that it is only a theory) I mentioned the theory of gravity also being in the same situation. It’s a point one of my favourite comedians makes regularly :P
Just before the rehearsal I talked to the guy playing Ralph, and what he said cemented that I needed to do this Lord of the Flies, even if I don’t want to. It’s not about me, it’s a team thing. I’ve bitten off more than I can chew recently, now I’m going to deal with the indigestion the best I can.
Fourth was ICT, and I have the theory that drawing should be done in art, but seeing as you can’t avoid doing it for the course I wanted, I did it on paint; making it a lot faster and more technical. It vaulted me in front of Sam however, who wasn’t in the best mood because Tom had pissed him off during Lunch and he basically just sat there all lesson doodling slowly. I was actually quite worried about him, so I bitched about Myles with him for a while.
History with Myles there for the first time. He then realized he couldn’t sit next to me and sat next to a mate of mine. We had to plan the fourth question of coursework, meaning he has to catch up on the work we’ve already done, which will affect his final grade. Good luck on that one Myles.
The rehearsal after school started off good but went a bit down hill after a while, and then plummeted, but I’m glad we got at least an act and a half done. Then I collected Wesley, got home, typed up what I’d written and just chilled out on computers together. It was one of our first nights actually just staying at home, and I was glad to get the odd 400 words done that I did. I think Wesley enjoyed himself, and we’re going to a party tomorrow night. I’m skipping stagecoach to go to it.
After Sam re-blogged again, I felt the urge to do the same. :)

Going through the motions

Monday the 20th.
Going through the motions.

Today was an odd day, right from the start. I got to school as the bell went and got to form just as Formie was opening the door. Form is getting irritating because I guy I will call Egg keeps really irritating me and Formie. He’s still big on the thing from last year about us having an indecent relationship, but never actually leaves us alone to talk. Me and Formie discussed ukulele’s for a while because we both now own one, he got one this weekend and I’ve had one since summer.
Maths was iffy because we were doing multiplying decimals which has never been a strong point so I struggled a bit and took the piss out of a guy opposite me a bit more than I should have, so I might apologize to him tomorrow.
French was, as usual, shite. Had a re-vocab test which I did okay on the first time and technically passed and I’m hoping to have done better on this time. Got an hour detention for not doing homework fully, blah, blah, hatred, hatred.
Break was a bit same-old-same-old-nothing-new. Although Zen wasn’t in school.
English was actually quite consuming because I wanted to get work done thoroughly, but I was working slowly because of it. I only finished 1/3 of the sheets so I was meant to do the other 2 for homework, but I will probably do them in a rush just before bed. Also, I found out I got an A- on the speaking and listening, and that I’ll get my media coursework back on Wednesday.
Lunch was more of the same, Nile threw strops, Over exiled himself, Spawn bored us. Me and Salamander had a few giggles but not as many as we usually have. It was fine though.
Afternoon form was okay but nothing major happened.
Chemistry was really irritating. We had a cover teacher who is a crap maths teacher who cannot control a class for toffee. Egg head sat next to me and repeatedly went on about me and Formie and although it was quite funny it was still a bit NO EGGHEAD. But it’ll be fine.
In between fourth and fifth really briefly talked to Formie before PE.
PE we had a cover and I pretended not to have my kit and although Salamander and Over where there it was still a bit shit to be honest.
Work was good even though I made a mistake with a couple of kid’s work and my boss was like ANDY FUCKSAKE YOU’VE BEEN HERE A YEAR AND YOU’RE ACTING LIKE A ROOKIE. Okay she didn’t say that. At all. She’s not that kind of person, hah.
After work I caught up with a few people I haven’t spoken to in ages, and some people I have. I patched things up with Cub because we fell out last Saturday, talked to a fellow National Novel Writing Month (will explain in a later post lol) writer, who is taking part because I have a few friends who aren’t and then there’s Rix who is taking part and is a RL mate. A dancing girl, who I have a semi-crush on. She’s now coming to see Tim Minchin with me on the first of November (the first day of NaNoWriMo too, so I’m hopefully going to a kick off party that day also) and I’m blahing.
I never did the homework, but after blogging I think I should. Can I be bothered though?

Storm clouds

I guess when dealing with storm clouds and their silver linings, you have to make sure not to forget the storm cloud is still there.

Monday
Was a great day, had a load of fun and just chilled out. Work was good and everything seemed to be going fairly my way, even if Podge wrote a page and a half in my chemistry book complaining about me. (Writing on every second line, so she's definatly not a fan of trees).
Tuesday
Projectile vomiting at 6am is not the ideal start to the day. Stayed off school and carried on vomiting and had a major stomach ache all way through the day.
Wednesday
Stayed off school again due to persisting stomach ache and needing another day away from it all, not that it helped in the end of it.
Thursday
Went back to school and had an okay day. ICT with Salamander was good because we'd both done all the work and lord of the flies is still shit, but we're atleast making some progress. We've finally started the third act now. I still have to kill piggy. And the performance has been delayed ATLEAST two weeks, so that means my french exchange students aren't double booked, which is definatly a good thing.
Friday
Had good bits and bad bits. Had good time with Formie even if we were interuppted every time, didn't really matter. Walked home and saw Shanice from last year who was a bitch who I eventually managed to make 'friends' with, and she'd had a shit day so I said hi then left because I didn't really care less. Stage coach wasn't amazing as usual, one of my mates had a bit of a shite day.
Today - Saturday.
Crap from the get-go. Salamander's laptop is bust so I'm cut off from him pretty much over the weekend. Got up late and scarfed down food only to struggle in tap and modern, be shunned by the majority of the girls during the day and have jazz be more difficult because the actual teacher is back. Got back to have Cub have a major go at me over nothing so I had a bad night from there onwards. Laura comferted me a bit though, am still mega pissed however. Hopefully am practicing duet tommorow but I'm not too sure. Fille was in a festival today, even with her broken toe and my dad being the twat he is didn't contact her mum till like 10pm, so I have no idea what is going on.

The Silver Lining

The Silver Lining

Turns out, everything that happens… Happens. Sure, we land in shit some times, but once you hit rock bottom, you just have to dig till you find that gold. If you get lost in the storm, endure till the heart of it, because hearts are the most important thing. Everyone (myself included) is always like “Oh I want to go BUNGEE JUMPING!” or “I want to be a famous games designer!” If we all have these extreme goals, everyone forgets about the simple things. What about the times were you just watch the sunset? The times you sit on the grass and marvel at the world? The time you sit up late at night laughing with one of your friends? The time when the person you fell out with and you finally make up, and they give you that re-assuring smile that makes everything feel better?
I’ve made up with Formie, and I have quite a lot going my way. “Life is good I can’t complain, I mean I could but no-one’s listening” (Ally and AJ – Like Whoa) even though Lord of the Flies is still shit, and we have a crap actor playing Jack, at least we HAVE a Jack now. I’ve managed to get my mate Nile back on track-ish and talking to the people he needs to talk to, but I can’t help the fact he’s over-sensitive. He always will be, and he needs to conquer that himself.
I was walking home today and just thinking about certain relationships and people, and I was home before I even realised it. It’s amazing what the human brain can do, get so wrapped up in it’s thoughts that your legs switch to auto drive and can get you to were you need to be. Sometimes, you need to switch off and let your body take its path.

Fool's gold.

I'm not in the mood to write much.
My day that was going to be amazing turned out to be fairly mediocre. ICT core was boring, OCRS was more difficult than I thought it would be and people were just being asses, break was kinda boring and history we were meant to be watching a movie but she just moaned at us for an hour. I had to translate 'Nagging' for nizomi so he had an idea of what was going on. Nile came round mine inbetween school and open evening, and although that was quite good there was awkward moments were it was like hmm soooo what to talk about. Then we went to open evening, where I was helping Formie. I was joking around about cancelling his music and he locked the computer with his details so that I couldn't. Due to an incident last year with me needing to log in for him, I knew his password, which he didn't think I did. After entering it he was a bit like O,o STOP. So I did, then over the next two hours I was in and out helping parents and visiting friends in other departments before going back, and joking around and changing his password. He got really annoyed. He's never been properly mad at me before. He's joked around being 'mad' and stuff, but he was like 'Andrew you crossed the line' and had a massive go compared to his usual laughing it off, so I changed it back and then formie gave me the look that was like 'I'm really disapointed in you.' so I walked off and he called after me 'Where are you going?' so I said 'Away from this place' which is sort of a running joke but he didn't laugh.
I went to Biology and talked to two parents with my teacher about triple science for about 20 minutes, before heading off to music and seeing Nile, who'd been told by his music teacher to stop playing the same boring music over and over, so he was offended too. We just went around helping out random parents and visiting departments for a bit, until we toured this random lady until like 15 mins to 9, where we went to the music block to get his bag then he left. I talked to the teacher and told him Nile is the sensative type and even if it didn't seem that offensive he should probably apologize, so he said he would. I then went and grabbed my Blazer so I could leave, Maggie said 'Bye Andy thanks for helping' and Formie was too busy dancing to notice.
I'll just keep quiet in form for a while, I feel like shit for it though. He was kinda purposefully ignoring me, because I'd been past a few times when helping people and when I looked in he looked away at me.
: (

Displays of affection, Progress in time, and a joke.

Displays of affection
Thursday 2nd of October
School was fairly good today. Morning form I was still pretending to be miffed at Formie and he was doing stuff on the internet so I just kept closing his browser and when he was emailing pressing random keys, was funny. PE was first and he introduced us to this sport called Danish long ball, and it is a mix between cricket, football and dodge ball. It was actually surprisingly fun, even if I wasn’t amazing at it. I preferred normal dodge ball, but it’s still worth a laugh. Physics we had a cover teacher in some random room, and she just let us get on with it really. I sat next to a guy who I will call Eater, due to his surname. He was a friend for the first week of year 7, then we had a fight which I won, and he hated me for the rest of that year and year 8. We got better in year 9 and even if he’s really annoying we get on quite good now, he was good to sit next to in that lesson though because he wasn’t being annoying. :) Break was good, even if Zen wasn’t in. R.S was third, which I love to bits. I will call the teacher Maggie, don’t ask why. :P She’s a really good teacher, and I write loads in the lessons. Lunch was good, before afternoon form. Was still pretending to be miffed, had a laugh anyway. IT was good, because I sat next to Sam and we made drop down menu’s. There was one point were we believed my shite bar thing I’d done in 2 minutes could get a better mark that his 3 hour piece, until he realised the full power of copy and paste, although it did make my banner a lot better too. Afterwards I had history were we watched a film, which was kind of boring but good to relax in. Then the bell rang and I really couldn’t be arsed to walk home, so I decided to give Formie another try for a hug. He was alone so I nicked his bag and after toying with him for a while doing the pulling just out of reach he let me hug him but didn’t hug back. Then we went to talk to Maggie for a while and he went off to get something for the displays, and I just stayed talking to Maggie. When I got back he was like “Your still here then.” I was like “Yup.” So in the end I just didn’t leave and helped put up the displays and stuff. It was great, because Formie is always a lot more comfortable out of his suit, and we just mucked around and I was basically a member of the R.E department. Maggie kept being like ‘must remember he’s a student’ and patronise me for like 5 minutes before going back to normal, and we mucked around a bit. Then when we were all in room 8 and no-one else was around Formie gave me a hug. :D It’s cause when he left the first time Maggie was like ‘Nawww he wants to give you a hug but he can’t’ (Saying sir wanted to hug me) and then when he came back she was like ‘I can look away you know’ so he was basically peer pressured into it. It wasn’t anything special, it was a brief one armed hug but it still was a YAY moment. I don’t have to nag him about hugging me now, because he’s done it. However, on end of term days, he may be nagged. Got home at 6 and mum was like WHERE WERE JOO and I said helping people at school so after a rant (which I tried hard not to laugh in) I was allowed to go about my day, but didn’t feel like going on computer so just went upstairs, did my RS homework and then tidied room. Page on RS homework, I write so much!

Progress in time.
Friday 3rd October
Morning I kinda rushed to school but got there on the bell for once, in time for morning form. No-one realised I was suddenly talking to him again, because Over has now just accepted anything we do as being ‘just us’. We go through phases of not talking to each other, and half the time no-one knows why except each other. It’s rather quite amusing. We always end up forgiving each other/annoying each other so much we give in. Morning form was good, then had history. It was good, we did some old fashioned writing and copying, and nizomi is a lot better than he was.
Physics teacher was back, which is good cause I had him twice today. Found myself drifting in and out, catching bits of info every now and then, but it’s fine. He’s that kind of teacher, were you have to self-motivate yourself to listen, but as long as you catch the important parts and catch up what you miss day-dreaming, your fine.
Break the librarian really started getting on my nerves. YOUR NOT MY DAMN MOTHER. I don’t need to have my shirt tucked in. I wear a hoody, because it’s comfortable and warm, and looks better than a blazer.
Walked to Biology with a guy called Ben, and had a good chat with him. He had Formie next and although he doesn’t like Formie as a teacher, he thinks he’s a good person. It was rather humourous, because he saw Maggie and was like ‘Wow she’s quite fit. I bet fancies her.’ I was like ‘I bet you fancy her’. He did. XD
Mr. Mortimer was funny today. We had to fill out this sheet and he didn’t want me using my book, but I had my hand on the page so when he closed it I just flicked it open again. He did this five times before grabbing the book out of my hands and flinging it across the classroom. Fucking hilarious! So enjoyed that lesson, I really like Sciences.
After that I came out onto the corridor with Formie’s room on it and the door was open, so seeing as I was one of the last to leave Biology I decided to pop in to see how he was. He was obsessing over this video he’s done, and trying to get pictures to match. He was saying how this picture didn’t match so I was like ‘Nah it ruins the entire thing scrap it and start again.’ He laughed and then told me how anal he gets over these videos, and how he has 10 different versions of it, and how when he was doing the one for his remembrance day his girlfriend at the time was like IF YOU SHOW ME THAT ONE MORE TIME I’LL STAB YOU. After much laughter, I told Sir about Ben’s comments, just because Sir finds him annoying. He found it greatly amusing. VERY amusing. Then he went to go talk to Maggie and I left and spent lunch with Nile and Salamander, which was a lot better than having Over and Spawn and Spawn’s little brother, just because it was more open. I don’t like having Spawn’s little brother with us. Zen is fine being a year 8 with year 10’s and he has evidenced having other friends, but Spawn’s little brother is a year 7 and it filters what we can say and it looks like Spawn is his only real friend. :S
Afternoon form more grins were had, and seeing as we were walking in the same direction I walked halfway to French with Formie, he was still Lol’ing over Ben. Then Ben passed us in the hall and said hi to sir, and as soon as he was out of ear shot he did this really retarded laughing stampy thing, which was funny. I was glad I brought amusement to him :P.
French I drifted in and out of, and I decided to sit next to this guy called Abdul. He looks really geeky and stuff but he’s actually a really nice guy and is quite funny. He’s not my type of guy I’d hang out with but he’s a cool guy who I want to be on good terms with.
Physics I was in the room next to Formie, and I heard the song of his video playing which brought a smile to my face and everyone else was like LOLOL WTF IS DOING NOW? And the teacher was like ‘Damn racket.’ Which of course, made it even funnier for me, but I decided to keep the joke to myself.
I went back after for ten minutes just to say have a good weekend to Formie, and I wrote his sad-ass roommate a letter saying he shouldn’t give his life over to lessons, because that’s what he sounded like. More lulz were had and then I went home and to Stagecoach. SC wasn’t brilliant and once again the dance teacher is showering my brother with praise, so I’m not gonna bother writing about it. All I’m gonna say is that cub looked really good today. Got home, chit-chatted to Salamander and a few other friends and decided to call it a day. Tap tomorrow, I need to practice the duet more. I practiced it daily, just not with the tape. I’m an ass, Fille deserves more effort from me. I’ll make it up to her somehow. I then realised my tired-ness had made me put Formie’s real name in, so I had to change that, before deciding it was time for me to go to bed. Microsoft word tools ftw! Also, I thought I’d add in a joke…

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics.
The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist."
Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute.
Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an "A" when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words:
"What chair?"