Cracked Foundations

Mood: Hurt.
Music: Glasgow Love Theme - From love actually, don't know who plays it.
Today was a day of ups and downs, and the fact I'm still up at 00:30am proves that. I got up around 8, hurridly had a shower and was rushed out the door to go to dancing. Me and my dad made a bit of small talk in the car, then he parked up a bit early and told me that I should follow my heart when I'm choosing my career. I don't get what brought it on, but I just smiled and got out the car. I've been thinking about it quite a lot since he said it. He's right, and I will.
Tap, the teacher was running mega late, so we had a senior girl who I'm okay friends with called Zoey take the class with a random cd she'd been provided. The lesson was actually really fun, we were fitting our excersises to random pieces of music. We did double-triple timesteps to mambo number five, for example. Then at the end she challanged us to choreograph 2 counts of 8 using steps from our excersises, to 'Tragedy'. Mine turned out okay in the end, I quite liked it.
Modern however, was totally different. The teacher had arrived and all. My friends just didn't seem to be themselves, and didn't want to be with me in pairships. Which I found hurtful, because I'm not a bad dancer. I'm not the best in the class by a long shot, but I'm not the worst either. We then had to make up dances again in the last five minutes, but in groups. Lauren and Phillipa shunned me for god knows why, and Emily and Matt had already left to go to panto rehearsals. I didn't bother to ask the others and decided to make one on my own. It was okay I guess, but I was really hurt by the way Phillipa had reacted to me asking to go with them. We're okay friends, is the thing. No one really thought to ask me to join, and when the teacher said 'Who'll go first?' and I volunteered (just to get it out of the way) no one other than Phillipa and Lauren had realized. I did it, and everyone atleast pretended to like it. Then all the other groups went. Class ended and I got changed, then when I was invited into town by Lauren and Phillipa I said no, and they knew that I had to go at some point to get lunch. They nagged me into coming and eventually realized that I was upset even though I was practically holding back tears most of the time. I consider Lauren one of my best friends, and she doesn't stick up for me in those situations because she doesn't want to hurt phillipa's feelings. They apologized a load but it didn't really help, I pretended to smile and just loaded up on comfert food from the shops.
I slowly calmed down and my uncle phoned me asking about what to get the other family members for christmas, so I gave my rather shite and bland suggestions, and then hung up. I wasn't in the mood for it today. Jazz was okay, because Steph's in it. Who allegedly fancies me. I really like her as a person though, because she is always happy to see me.
Lauren and Phillipa were going to piss around after Jazz and I just couldn't be arsed with them so I sat and watched my brother's jazz class before coming home. I really quickly went online on msn, but no-one I wanted to talk to was online. Or in otherwords, Sam wasn't online. I just pissed around on Fable 2 and then watched the second half of love actually by myself. Henry joined me for a bit but he went to be after about twenty minutes.
Modern hit me really hard today, and it shouldn't have. I was just so sure that Lauren of all people would stick up for me in a situation where she was in the position to. I was sure of it. She properly apologized and stuff, but it still kind of stings. I'm doubting myself right now. I guess I'll get up tommorow and do all my homework and shit.
Love Actually got me thinking though. Christmas is a time to spend with your loved ones, allegedly. Who would I want to spend it with?
Sam... Lauren Ramsden (not dancing Lauren)... Someone who I'm not going to name because it's embarrasing... Rix... Maybe Myles...